Z & I

Z & I do a cartwheel
And look at the world upside down
The mud is blue, the sky is brown
And there's a smile in every frown

Z & I go for a run
And the park is in full bloom
We chase a firefly; follow the moon
And stop to listen to a musician's tune

Z & I climb a tree
And hang on it like monkeys
The branch breaks; bitten by bees
We fall down and scrape our knees

Z & I go tandem biking
And we think we know it best
She goes east, I go west
And the bike sadly gets laid to rest

Z & I sit on a bench
And start thinking out aloud
A bird poops over us, screeching loud
And bursts our big thought cloud

Z & I hum a tune
And mess up the words all wrong
The verse is short, the chorus long
And for a toss, goes the song

Z & I start to paint
And the colors spill all over the page
Yellow turns red, Black goes beige
And the work of art is on our face

Z & I sit to write
And we print a funny scrawl
It starts up stocky, ends up tall
And makes absolutely, no sense at all

Z & I open up board games
And we decide to play Scrabble
We make words from our daily babble
And there's a new language on the table

Z & I start to jive
And our hands and feet go out of sync
I step on her, she goes all pink
Time to vamoose, we both think

Z & I decide to bake
And we hope it'll be a yummy cake
We mix everything we need to make
And end up instead, with a chocolate shake

Z & I curl up in bed
And are tired from all this goofing around
We snuggle, cuddle, hoping to sleep sound
With a thud, we wake up on the ground

Z & I laugh our heads off
And her big black eyes speak with glee
"There's no other way we'd rather be"
She said, with her arms around me!

How I met your Mother

We were not ready. As usual.

The due date was July 21st, 2011. As far as I am concerned, you were to arrive much after that date. Late and making everyone wait, as do I, more often than not.

I felt great; hardly exhausted, highly spirited, still exercising, socially fluttering and still busy working. The smooth 38 odd weeks had left me wondering, almost hoping for that tipping point, at which labor would start, proceed and culminate easily, into your birth. Fate and you of course, had it planned otherwise.

July 12th 2011 was a Tuesday. Some uneasiness and a strange pain showed up at work around 4 pm after a late lunch. Lunch was at The Pump Energy Food. In hindsight, I think all that high protein intake may have had something to do with you showing up the next day. I walked back to the PATH station from work, with a colleague, warning her I would be a slow strider today. The pain still lingered; sometimes in the background, sometimes more pronounced. Friends came over for dinner around 9 pm; an easy distraction that took my mind off what was going on within.

At 11:00 pm that night after everyone had left, I realised the pain had'nt. In fact it seemed to have made a more regular appearance; enough for me to think that this might just be happening sooner than I thought. We called the doctor, who clearly instructed us to time the contractions. If they appeared at regular 5 minute intervals, we were to head to the hospital. Hubster set up his timer and much to my annoyance seemed to take this on as another one of his work projects. I bet he could'nt control the urge to set up an excel sheet with the columns 'duration' & 'frequency' on it.

"Started?" he would ask every 5 minutes and "Finished?" soon after, exasperating the jeepers out of me. Turned out, we could've set the clock to each of my contractions, which appeared punctually, at every 5th minute. Throughout the hour, from 11:30 pm to 12:30 am, I was in denial. For starters, I had meetings the next day at work. We still didnt have a car seat yet (It had been ordered, but had'nt arrived). And of course the weekend had already been planned. There just did'nt seem to be a slot to fit in 'giving birth' just as yet.

Well anyhow, Hubster broke my chain of thought with his "So shall we?" I figured there was no point denying the midnight hospital visit. Would be a nice drive at the very least, I said to console myself; like a dry run of sorts - we would go to the hospital and be asked to leave on grounds of a false alarm. And we'd come back home and go to work as usual, the next day.

So Hubster went online and rented a zipcar, while I called the folks, asking them to get ready to leave. (Mom had strictly instructed that we were to call them over, if things got out of hand at night.)

With a semi-packed hospital bag and my pillow in tow, we set out towards the hospital. Once there, after the regular check-in process with the front desk, began the real checking-in process with the nurse. The terrifying dilation check. What I remember of that moment was screaming at the top of my lungs, possibly the loudest I have ever. Yes, even louder than any of my screams for the rest of the night. The conversation that started out with my "Yeah, I am having contractions, but think it may be a false alarm" ended with "Ms. Mudgal, in case you havent realised it yet, you are having the baby before you leave here". It's a good thing she left before I could respond; my big 'Gulp' would not have been music to her ears anyway.

Texted the hubster who was parking the car downstairs, "Come up soon. And extend the zipcar. We are not leaving here anytime soon." Mom & Pops came in and looked surprisingly indifferent when I informed them that you're on your way out soon. Almost as if they already knew. Hubster & I moved to the Labor room, where the long wait began. Based on our quick calculations, since I was already 3/4th in without even realising it, we figured you would be here in another couple of hours. "Maybe you can even go for your meeting soon, Shweyts" Hubster assured me, while secretly hoping he could certainly go for his. Yeah honey, get used to it; your parents are weird like that.

We set ourselves up in the labor room. The anesthesiologist appeared; a pretty young British girl who's accent took away any anxiety that I may have had. While she administered the epidural, I relayed to Hubster, the order in which to line up my favorite music cds, next to the cd player. (Of course the CD player didnt work and the Pandora app on my iphone saved the day, rather night for me.) Yes, I had pre-decided that whether you liked it or not, I was bringing you in to this world, with Sting singing in the background. So I played "Fields of Gold" on repeat, much to Hubster's annoyance, secretly hoping you'd arrive and we'd be done soon. I should have known, you already had a mind of your own and would'nt fancy any of my pre-orchestrated tactics. Not only did you not show any signs of moving down and out, but you gracefully decided it was time to 'look up' after having spent too much time 'looking down'.

The unthinkable was to happen - after spending the entire night, sleeping, then pushing, then resting, then pushing again, at 7 am the doctor suggested I start "thinking of a C-section". That moment, was the only low point of this beautiful 10 month journey so far. You have to believe me when I say, I heard two gentle thuds - that of Hubster's and my hearts, that fell in dismay, in sync at the sound of a 'C-Section'. As much as I had promised myself, I would be open to the idea, I must confess I was'nt. When the ride has been this smooth all along, it just didnt seem fair, that the end got suddenly bumpy. So I vehemently said No.

"I dont want a C-Section Doc. I ll push harder" I pleaded. The doc granted me another couple of hours, through which I pushed with everything I had in me. At 9:45 am, you were still busy saying good-bye to your companions of 38 weeks inside and showed no signs of having moved down even the slightest bit. Now the doc played the "the baby is at risk of an infection if we go any longer.." card; a card I had no counter for.

I looked at Hubster, who looked back at me. As our two pairs of miserable eyes locked, we both nodded on a consensus - "Yes, let's do it."

What happened after, seems like a fast-forward of sorts. Suddenly, in a medical drama-esque sort of way, there appeared an army of multi-colored scrubs-clad men and women, who quickly transported me from the Labor room to the C-section room. As if to make the blow any softer, the C-Section room looked out at the East river versus the Labor room which only overlooked the office buildings on the next block. Thank heavens for the view, I said to myself, not knowing how long this was going to take.

Hubster was given a pair of scrubs too, as he sat wearing them on my side, feeling all important & doctor-like. More paperwork was in store - that informed me that I was going to be knocked out numb, waist down. My view up from the operating table comprised of several new faces and voices, all hovering about me. I was the frog on a dissection table. While I tried to stare outside the window, looking at the river that flowed nonchalantly, I sensed myself drowning into the anesthesia. In a matter of a few minutes, someone appeared on my right side, thrusting a pinkish white blob into my face. "It's a girl. Congratulations." the nurse said. "Uhh ok" I responded. In my drunken, stupefied state I guessed this white-pink blob with a porcupine-like mop of black hair must be you. "Uhh would you like to kiss her?" the nurse suggested, probably not liking my indifferent drugged reaction. "Oh of course....kiss kiss" I planted two on your forehead. The pink blob got smaller and smaller as she walked away with you. "Wow, that's her? Quite a stunner, dont you think?" I asked Hubster in my inebriated stupidity, slowly realising through my fuzzy, hazy state of mind that the job had been done and pretty darn nicely too. By hook or by crook, you were out. And about.

I felt turned inside-out; my body felt a void, my soul seemed hollow. My head was woozy, my lower abdomen was a skilled sartorial job. My eyes welled up, as they had done a few months ago, when I was told you were going to be a girl. Only this time, I didnt laugh out loud and fist punch the air with a triumphant "Yess". Instead a soft tear rolled down my cheek as I thought of the pink spiky blob that I had just kissed. And there, among the multi-colored scrubs-clad blurry specks in the background, as I held Hubster's hand and stared out at the golden East river horizon, Sting sang 'Fields of Gold' in my head.

And thus, on July 13th 2011, around 10:17 am is How I met your Mother.

Q & A with X

Magic in my tummy,
Would you want to call me Mummy?
Naah she said - Sweetoo or Shweyts,
On first name basis is best!

My l'ill bundle of wit,
Then will Amit be called Amit?
Naah she said - He prefers 'Jay',
Don't even bother asking me why!

My li'll ball of clay,
Will you be straight or gay?
I don't know she said, either of the above,
As long as I can give and find true love!

My l'ill part that's American,
Will you even remotely be Indian?
Hmm she said, after thinking a while,
Being a global nomad, is really more my style!

The smaller l'ill heart, within myself,
Will you be able to laugh at yourself?
I already do it all the time, she said,
When I think how I am going to fool you ahead!

My latest l'ill fashion trend,
Will you be a good friend?
Yes she said - the kind that stick with you,
But make sure you find me a 'Raga' too!

My funniest bone, I asked with much cheer,
So what would you like to inherit here?
I am already such a star, I think,
It's the best inheritance I could've got - *wink*!

eX-istential Crisis?

Hi X,
I see you're doing all hunky-dory in there, happily trying to mimic my 'spinning' moves, while lying horizontally in your bubble. So all that is super. But it's a few minutes before we'll probably know who you really are - XX or XY and I have this sudden feeling of sadness in me today.
It may have been because my day started off on a solemn note, seeing what happened in Japan today. As much as it hurts to see those videos and pictures, I cannot help but think that somewhere we (humans) are responsible for nature's wrath. We aren't living as we were meant to and definitely are'nt giving back enough to her, so she chooses to grab our attention this way, time and again. To kind of scold us for our careless behaviour and warn us that if we dont behave ourselves, things can only turn for the worse. The only thing, of real consequence, that we can do today, other than pray and hope from wherever in the world we are, is to resolve to be even more greener than we already are. To reduce our carbon footprint even more and take some time out to make peace with nature. To plant more trees, use less paper & plastic, take the train/ bus more often and re-use and re-cycle even more. Think twice before buying or throwing away, anything. In our very own little ways, each one of us can pacify nature and make her happy again.
Thanks as usual, for letting me vent there.
On another note, I am also a little more sad that today, we'll know who you are. As much as I am rooting for you to be a girl, it does suck that knowing your sex today, will put aside all the anticipation that has been a fun part of having you around, until today. It's been nice thinking of you just as 'X' so far, as weird as that sounds and that is what we 'll continue to refer to you as, even here on. But still - today might be saying good-bye to the 'perhaps' factor that has been associated with you.
So whatever it is X, whether you're XX or XY, I just want you to know something - You rock!!! For letting me be the way I ve always been, even this far. For living in your random world which co-exists so well with mine, eating everything I eat, drinking everything I drink, spinning furiously as ever with me, running when I am late for my train to work in the mornings, going to all the possible concerts with me and even dancing through the night, randomly learning Ethiopian shoulder shrugs in Washington DC. I certainly could'nt have asked for a better 'you' and whatever you may be here on - XX or XY, know that you will always be my rockstar!
I should rush now, since I am late for your appointment again :) So come on, it's time to run to the subway again - Ready, get set and whoooooooooosh!!!!!!!!!
Love ya lots,
Shweyts

... or ...

Beaujolais or Rioja?

Riding on a Bicycle or speeding in a Car?

Flower Child or Patient lamb?

Spicy pickle or Raspberry jam?

Mumbai or Gotham?

Beautiful or Handsome?

13.1 or 26.2?

'Ughhh' pink or 'Whatever' blue?

Shweaty pants or Mitsy mittens?

Boys’ in love or Girls’ smitten?

B-777 or an A-380 ?

My madness or his sanity?

Poetic or Prosaic?

Lucid or Mosaic?

Right brained or Left brained?

Say it as-it-is or you’d rather restrain?

A hopeless lover or of the careful kind,

Thrifty spender or an indulgent mind?

Careless dancer or a trained one?

A whimsical Basanti or a Quick gun Murugan?

Socially networked or rarely perturbed?

Non-stop chatter or a few wise words?

Ms. Moody or Master Desai?

Who will you be; XX or XY?

Reviews & Feedback!

Reviews and feedback have arrived almost incessantly, since X's existence was declared.
While I was outrageously shocked by the conventional line-of-thought some so-called modern friends had to offer, I love how well my best friends know me - Their first reaction on hearing about 'X' was not the conventional "Take care of yourself...Dont do this...Dont do that..." kinda unsolicited bull-crap (Pardon my French there).
It was straight up, just as I like it - "Shwets - make sure you go a 'little' easy on the Vino." (The operative word being 'little' here.)
The parents were another surprise package - Put aside the fact that when we broke the news to them over the phone, there prevailed for a susbtantial amount of time, what I have aptly termed as a 'pregnant pause'. Finally, when I almost hung up, thinking I got cut off the line or something, Pops' spoke up - "You're not kidding right?". Hubster, who was on speaker, glances in my direction with a look that questions - "Wow, you're family surely takes kidding to a whole new level." Poor him, he's only subjected to a speck of the insanity, that is the trio of Mom, Pops & I.
Mom & Pops both took a while (read: weeks) to digest the news. Mom even said - "Well, I dont think I am ready to be grandma yet, but this too shall pass." It's amazing how time and again, she upp's her 'cool quotient' just like that. I think that amount of detachment is the best inheritance a parent can pass on to their child, ever.
The best friend, as am I, are already rooting for an XY. She declared the other day "We need a girl in the family now." Hubster prefers to be safe - "XX or XY, either is good. As long as he/ she does'nt inherit your side's insanity and inherits my brain." (With eccentricity being our middle name, he sure is hoping for a lot there.)
Another friend said "You'll make a really bad mom, Shweyta." I loved that reaction. It was honest. And possibly true. The friend explained how he thinks I'll never make it to one of those 'New Moms-gushing-all-over-their-babies' list or that I am totally capable of rush-feeding or forecefully putting X to bed, just to make it in time to attend another party or the next Cuisine Club event. I''ll be honest - he was bang-on target - I have been thinking about it.
There are others who seem to think that Hubster will make a very good Dad. Good for him! He'll be half the good Dad, as far as I am concerned, if he can remember there's someone to take care of, while he's busy flipping channels on TV, on his generously long paternity leave.
And of course there are the non-believers - the friends who are still in denial about the whole thing. "I cant believe you'r having a baby Shwets, it sure must be the end of a decade." - I' ve heard that often enough now to wonder what have I gotten myself into. It may have something to do with my continuing lifestyle, that has seen very little change in the past 15 weeks. As some people tell me, it's a fortunate scenario to be in, where not much changes; so be it.
And then there is the adorable ex-roomie Jeff, who already has name suggestions for X -

• Shweaty Jr.
• Scone Head (Babies always have odd heads)
• Duct Tape (if he or she is a breaker of things)
• Poop Monster (This will be a given)
• Bundles
• Blanket Head (The name of MJ's kids)

It's brilliant. With friends of ours already chipping in like this, X is surely going to be taken good care of, all of his/her life.

The Best friend's hubby has instructed that the 'name list' must pass through him. After what he thinks were my somewhat 'ridiculous' name suggestions for the nephew, he thinks this scrutiny might save a child's future. I wonder which his favorite pick will be, from Jeff's list above.

While Hubster and I are still in chillax mode (read: 'irresponsible to-be parents mode', as some people put it), love, life and leisure are going on just as they were before. In the process, I' ve discovered some really good beers (ya ya, they are non-alcoholic - for all you 'raised eyebrows' up there) and concluded that non-alcoholic wine tastes like grape juice gone bad. There is the ocassional sip of champagne sometimes and the heavenly sip of a Red once-in-a-while, that keeps me going. But the 'sip' is a 'glass' for now. Still there may be a good chance, that X may emerge from the oven with a bottle of Rioja and proclaim out loud "Cheers Shweyts! Here's to our fun vino times together."*

*Idea that stemmed from another best friend's imagination.

X-cetera.....

The 'X' factor of our lives is here. Yes, we are eXtatic, but we are also eXtremely anXious. Clearly, we were not prepared for his or her eXcellency's arrival, just as yet. And we are not sure, we will be too, by the time he or she decides to eXit the bubble and emerge into the eXternal madness.
It all started with the seX. eXpectedly so.
Sometime in late October, around Hubsters Birthday. There was no way we could have known. No eXhaustion alert, no eXotic cravings. eXtreme physical endurance of the past few years running activity, had already introduced the 'missed cycle' phenomenon in my body, thus making it, a not so eXtraordinary occurence in my life.
An eXcruciating lower back pain did give way to multiple antibiotic dosages, that now in retrospect, thankfully kept me off my Vino, in November. And then came along December, bringing with it a new hope of an ended dosage and the much-needed eXtra glasses of red. Pop went the bubble, when I stood on the brink of another missed cycle. "I ve never missed two consecutive cycles before" I eXclaimed. Hubster coolly withdrew saying "I ve been busy working. This has got to be someone elses." Talk about the start to an eXultant parenthood!
Then came the time to re-eXamine the situation. A Home test, it had to be. Since we were'nt ready (more like I did'nt want to say goodbye to my red wine yet) I eXtenuated the idea and put the test on hold for a couple of more weekends. Still no news from within. I finally decided one morning, that the time to take this eXam had come. Peed on the stick and stared at it hard, till two faint lines appeared. "The second line is faint, so this doesnt apply." I un-eXhilaratingly dismissed. Hubster's face on the other hand, eXuded radiance and some strange sort of pride, I thought, for the moment. An eXalted look that seemed to say "Well done my swimmers" or something ridiculous, on those lines.
So that's how we embarked on this eXquisite journey, perhaps the most eXciting one of our lives thus far. Friends requested a name to refer the newbie by, so Hubster suggested we should refer to him or her as 'X' (the independent variable; the unknown).
I agreed almost immediately; after all, that would be the only constant in what was yet unknown about the bun in my oven - XX or XY.
(Coincidentally, X's public debut also happened around X-mas & the end of the year MMX, a.k.a 2010.)
So 'X' it is. And now that 'X' is here, it's going to be a blog full of eXclusive eXcerpts from here on, for a while atleast. We do however, refuse to shower 'X' with eXcessive emotion, just as yet. It could have to do with the fact that I do not intrinsically sense-X yet & Hubster dismisses the gradually appearing 'bump' as a manifestation of my ubiquitous gluttony.
So for now, as you can tell, X has'nt really changed our lives much; except ofcourse turning me into Ms. Pee-a-lot. But I am sure that feeling will be eXchanged for a newer, more eXuberant one, soon. The eXactness of when that will happen is yet to be determined. Maybe when the bump eXpands or maybe when it is time to actually eXecute our parenthood.

Until then; Hubster, X and I, intend to put up our feet and chillaX :)

P.S - Today is Day 1 of the NeXt trimester already. Watch this space for many more of our eXploits to come.