1. A mid-week lunch date with an old friend from undergrad Architecture school in Mumbai, gave me much food for thought this week.
Over spicy, hot and mouth-watering Sichuan cuisine, with the sichuan pepper doing a great job of lurking around, on our tongues long after it had been bitten into, we exchanged notes on everything - from multi-country living, educational systems, peer pressures to our anxieties and fears of bringing up children in India, in general.
It has made me angry beyond measure - this recent spate of 'rapes' that one hears about, coming from various Indian cities. Like that was not an issue grave enough, the news of 'minor rapes' that has seemed to mushroom offlate from all over the country, has me completely astounded and emotionally wrought up. I cannot get the thought of the 5 year old minor, raped by a neighbour, found in the basement of her own building, in Delhi.
A headline of a news article I recently read, on the daily news site I write a column for, seemingly screamed in my face - "Missing children to get ‘kidnapped’ case status". The article explains how in today's day and age of plentiful cases of minor kidnappings in Indian cities, the Maharashtra government has issued a mandate to all police stations, stating that all 'missing children' cases are to be treated and considered as 'kidnap' cases! In short this means that after a 'kidnap' case is registered, the police will be required to investigate it at once and not according to the usual, unofficial ’24-hour window’ that most police personnel allow for the child to return, or to hear of the child’s whereabouts before starting the investigation.
To me this was minutely positive yet majorly worrisome news alright! It puts to light the existing social predicament of urban children in India, where it is safe to make an overarching all-encompassing generalization that children are not safe! Clearly, cases of minor-molestations/ incest/ kidnapping etc have been occurring through the years when we were growing up in India as well and that it's just now that they are being more actively projected in the limelight, by the victims, their families and the press.
It is in these trying times that we (Hubster and I) are contemplating moving base to this country, for a few months, with our soon-to-be 2 year old daughter! Certainly it's not going to be easy. As I type, there are probably more innocent, unassuming minors being inappropriately fondled, touched, cajoled and done-what-not-to by their own neighbours, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters and even fathers for god's sake! (I have spent quite a few hours in disgust, this week as I have read up constantly on 'minor rape' cases, where one news article after another, espoused of incest on behalf of each of the above relationships with a little child. I am amazed 'mothers' are still left out.)
There seems to be no end-solution to this. It is an epidemic that has engulfed our country, which is destroying societal decencies and basic familial relationships! There is no saying who can harm your child in which way, when and how. And no one is beyond the radar on this one! What stayed with me long after I was done reading these articles, was a line that a mother fighting for justice for her 3 year old who was continually, regularly raped by her own biological father, said - "If a 34 year old girl is raped, it could probably be her own fault, if at all (as alleged by several political goons in the country)! But if a 3 year old girl is raped, it is her Mother's fault!"
2. In light of the above fears for the future, I have now begun to value the present, more so! That for all it's sterility, overt-sanitisation, negativities etc etc, if there is one thing you've got to tip your hat off for, to Singapore, it is it's crime control. Specifically, it's anti-theft social structure!
As known to most, theft in this country entails not only a hefty sum as fine, but is accompanied by imprisonment.
Naturally people are spoilt - for instance they leave behind wallets. purses full of money etc on coffee-shop tables and then casually come walking back to pick them up, a good 10-15 minutes after they first left. There is no sense of "Will it be or Wont it be there?" in their heads. Hence, there is no scurrying back hurriedly or a look for worry on their faces, when they approach the table atop which they forgot their things. At worst, they know, if their forgotten belongings are no longer on the table, they would have found their way to the 'Manager' or other equivalent official's office, for safe-keeping.
The same logic can be applied in the case of 'Missing Children' here as well. The friend mentioned above, casually related to me three instances of having 'lost' her toddler son, in various areas in this city and having found him back, within minutes, each time. On the first such occasion she recounted, as she called a relative, in sheer despair among tears, wondering what to do, he calmly pacified her saying "It's Singapore. Nothing will happen to your son. Just relax and call the cops." She did exactly that and sure enough - the cops showed up sooner than she could shed another tear and advised her to look within the mall, outside of which she had last seen her son. The boy was found sitting, waiting patiently at the 'Lost & Found' department (How appropriate is that!) where a store official had escorted him safely, having spotted him wandering around the mall looking lost, on a security camera.
With laws this heavily mandated, against crimes such as theft, shop-lifting, child-kidnapping, pedophilia, rape, molestation etc it is no wonder then, that this place is a safe haven, to bring up children in. Counter arguments can be made to the point that this kind of 'shielded-from-reality-upbringing' might not prepare children to step out into the real big bad world out there, where they will have to fend for themselves and battle the demons in their own lives. But until that day comes, young mothers like my friend, are happy to raise their children here, taking some liberties themselves in the process, of making mistakes that they don't have to pay for, as heavily as they would have to, in some other parts of the world!
As you can obviously tell, with topics of discussion such as 1 & 2 above and the yummy Sichuan fare, this surely was one 'hot & heavy' lunch, in more ways than one!
3. Zoe, Hubster and I, had our first collective indoor circus experience at Circus Minimus this weekend. There's something about a stage and our little one. In the presence of a stage or a performance-like arena, she feels the compulsive need to go stand right in the middle and start her own antics. She seems to think stages are meant for performance. Well, I wouldn't say that she's completely wrong. But I don't think she gets, that sometimes stages are meant for *others* to perform and for us to watch and applaud them. That, we don't really always need to be part of the performance.
The mini-ring of the Circus Minimus theatre was a non-conventional stage of sorts. As the little one went around dancing and twirling bang in the middle of it, much to the "oohs and aahs" of the audience members before the show started, the 'ringmaster' came up to me after a point, politely and smilingly suggesting that I take my "excited little one" off the ring. Zoe has often put talented performers to shame, at every performance she's been to yet; stealing their thunder with her random little antics on what is really their 'stage'. While I am a proud Mommy on account of the fact that this one shows no signs of 'stage fright', I am also a little tired Mommy when we go to shows/ performances/ recitals/ musicals/ plays etc with her, running behind her, trying to control her from getting centre-stage all the time!
All in all the Circus was a fun act, albeit too short for the whopping sum we paid for it. Since it had traveled all the way from the UK, the ticket prices were ridiculously steep and shockingly adult and kids tickets all cost the same! (I was comparing this to a similar event in NYC where adult tickets would've easily been 1/5th the price of what we paid here and the little one would have got in for free). Going by the pricing, the show should have certainly involved some more play-time and story-telling, for starters. The stuffed animals and props, lighting and sounds being used were imaginative and lent themselves beautifully towards the story-line. The show ended in 50 minutes sort of leaving us wanting for more, especially as Zoe had only just finished introducing herself to the 30+ odd audience members by walking up to each one, sticking out her hand and saying "Hi, I am Yo-Vee..", whether they wanted to talk to her or not. Oh well - it seems like that name plans to stick around for a while!
4. Our dear friends, Sandi & Amit - also ex-New Yorkers, finally came over for dinner this weekend. We had nailed down a date after a grueling back-and-forth with schedules that didn't seem to work for either of us. That is another unavoidable aspect of Singaporean social life as we've discovered. Life here, for us largely has been about showing friends or family around town or traveling outside of it, when we have no guests visiting us. A lot of our friends lead similar lives in flux here with perpetual visitors or travel itineraries of their own, hence co-ordinating schedules takes some amount of planning, at the very least.
The evening was fun, spent talking about our present and past lives, the idea of start-up's, Singapore's millionaires and their lives and the school-systems in our three common countries - The States, India & Singapore. Fun laid-back evenings such as these, spent at home with good friends over a home-cooked dinner and wine, used to be an integral part of our lives in NYC. On account of our busy travel itineraries, these are now a rarity and hence cherished tremendously. We hope we get to spend a few more such evenings here, before we bid adieu to this place!
As time flies, I realize that in a few more months from now, we are nearing the end of our stay here.
It's funny how one gets attached to life in a new place, over due course of time, as one starts getting comfortable in a place, learning to call a new city their home-for-now and gradually learning the ropes of how that place functions, lives and effectively works. Singapore has been my home-base for the last 8 months only, but I increasingly feel like I am not done with this place yet. Not because I am attached to this city-state in a massive sort of way, like I am to Mumbai or NYC, but because I like how this city has made life very convenient for us, right from day one. That it gives us the ability to come and go as we please, with minimum advance planning, having the best airport in the world at our disposal. That it has spoilt us in a way only Asia can, luring us into the good life one day at a time. That I no longer question why people who move here for a year end up staying for several. And that I know I will miss aspects of it and forever be thankful for having had the opportunity to call it my home - after having dismissed it at first, to see it from such close quarters to be able to actually grow to enjoy and appreciate it!
Thank You for reading!
Love,
Shweyta
Over spicy, hot and mouth-watering Sichuan cuisine, with the sichuan pepper doing a great job of lurking around, on our tongues long after it had been bitten into, we exchanged notes on everything - from multi-country living, educational systems, peer pressures to our anxieties and fears of bringing up children in India, in general.
It has made me angry beyond measure - this recent spate of 'rapes' that one hears about, coming from various Indian cities. Like that was not an issue grave enough, the news of 'minor rapes' that has seemed to mushroom offlate from all over the country, has me completely astounded and emotionally wrought up. I cannot get the thought of the 5 year old minor, raped by a neighbour, found in the basement of her own building, in Delhi.
A headline of a news article I recently read, on the daily news site I write a column for, seemingly screamed in my face - "Missing children to get ‘kidnapped’ case status". The article explains how in today's day and age of plentiful cases of minor kidnappings in Indian cities, the Maharashtra government has issued a mandate to all police stations, stating that all 'missing children' cases are to be treated and considered as 'kidnap' cases! In short this means that after a 'kidnap' case is registered, the police will be required to investigate it at once and not according to the usual, unofficial ’24-hour window’ that most police personnel allow for the child to return, or to hear of the child’s whereabouts before starting the investigation.
To me this was minutely positive yet majorly worrisome news alright! It puts to light the existing social predicament of urban children in India, where it is safe to make an overarching all-encompassing generalization that children are not safe! Clearly, cases of minor-molestations/ incest/ kidnapping etc have been occurring through the years when we were growing up in India as well and that it's just now that they are being more actively projected in the limelight, by the victims, their families and the press.
It is in these trying times that we (Hubster and I) are contemplating moving base to this country, for a few months, with our soon-to-be 2 year old daughter! Certainly it's not going to be easy. As I type, there are probably more innocent, unassuming minors being inappropriately fondled, touched, cajoled and done-what-not-to by their own neighbours, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters and even fathers for god's sake! (I have spent quite a few hours in disgust, this week as I have read up constantly on 'minor rape' cases, where one news article after another, espoused of incest on behalf of each of the above relationships with a little child. I am amazed 'mothers' are still left out.)
There seems to be no end-solution to this. It is an epidemic that has engulfed our country, which is destroying societal decencies and basic familial relationships! There is no saying who can harm your child in which way, when and how. And no one is beyond the radar on this one! What stayed with me long after I was done reading these articles, was a line that a mother fighting for justice for her 3 year old who was continually, regularly raped by her own biological father, said - "If a 34 year old girl is raped, it could probably be her own fault, if at all (as alleged by several political goons in the country)! But if a 3 year old girl is raped, it is her Mother's fault!"
2. In light of the above fears for the future, I have now begun to value the present, more so! That for all it's sterility, overt-sanitisation, negativities etc etc, if there is one thing you've got to tip your hat off for, to Singapore, it is it's crime control. Specifically, it's anti-theft social structure!
As known to most, theft in this country entails not only a hefty sum as fine, but is accompanied by imprisonment.
Naturally people are spoilt - for instance they leave behind wallets. purses full of money etc on coffee-shop tables and then casually come walking back to pick them up, a good 10-15 minutes after they first left. There is no sense of "Will it be or Wont it be there?" in their heads. Hence, there is no scurrying back hurriedly or a look for worry on their faces, when they approach the table atop which they forgot their things. At worst, they know, if their forgotten belongings are no longer on the table, they would have found their way to the 'Manager' or other equivalent official's office, for safe-keeping.
The same logic can be applied in the case of 'Missing Children' here as well. The friend mentioned above, casually related to me three instances of having 'lost' her toddler son, in various areas in this city and having found him back, within minutes, each time. On the first such occasion she recounted, as she called a relative, in sheer despair among tears, wondering what to do, he calmly pacified her saying "It's Singapore. Nothing will happen to your son. Just relax and call the cops." She did exactly that and sure enough - the cops showed up sooner than she could shed another tear and advised her to look within the mall, outside of which she had last seen her son. The boy was found sitting, waiting patiently at the 'Lost & Found' department (How appropriate is that!) where a store official had escorted him safely, having spotted him wandering around the mall looking lost, on a security camera.
With laws this heavily mandated, against crimes such as theft, shop-lifting, child-kidnapping, pedophilia, rape, molestation etc it is no wonder then, that this place is a safe haven, to bring up children in. Counter arguments can be made to the point that this kind of 'shielded-from-reality-upbringing' might not prepare children to step out into the real big bad world out there, where they will have to fend for themselves and battle the demons in their own lives. But until that day comes, young mothers like my friend, are happy to raise their children here, taking some liberties themselves in the process, of making mistakes that they don't have to pay for, as heavily as they would have to, in some other parts of the world!
As you can obviously tell, with topics of discussion such as 1 & 2 above and the yummy Sichuan fare, this surely was one 'hot & heavy' lunch, in more ways than one!
3. Zoe, Hubster and I, had our first collective indoor circus experience at Circus Minimus this weekend. There's something about a stage and our little one. In the presence of a stage or a performance-like arena, she feels the compulsive need to go stand right in the middle and start her own antics. She seems to think stages are meant for performance. Well, I wouldn't say that she's completely wrong. But I don't think she gets, that sometimes stages are meant for *others* to perform and for us to watch and applaud them. That, we don't really always need to be part of the performance.
The mini-ring of the Circus Minimus theatre was a non-conventional stage of sorts. As the little one went around dancing and twirling bang in the middle of it, much to the "oohs and aahs" of the audience members before the show started, the 'ringmaster' came up to me after a point, politely and smilingly suggesting that I take my "excited little one" off the ring. Zoe has often put talented performers to shame, at every performance she's been to yet; stealing their thunder with her random little antics on what is really their 'stage'. While I am a proud Mommy on account of the fact that this one shows no signs of 'stage fright', I am also a little tired Mommy when we go to shows/ performances/ recitals/ musicals/ plays etc with her, running behind her, trying to control her from getting centre-stage all the time!
All in all the Circus was a fun act, albeit too short for the whopping sum we paid for it. Since it had traveled all the way from the UK, the ticket prices were ridiculously steep and shockingly adult and kids tickets all cost the same! (I was comparing this to a similar event in NYC where adult tickets would've easily been 1/5th the price of what we paid here and the little one would have got in for free). Going by the pricing, the show should have certainly involved some more play-time and story-telling, for starters. The stuffed animals and props, lighting and sounds being used were imaginative and lent themselves beautifully towards the story-line. The show ended in 50 minutes sort of leaving us wanting for more, especially as Zoe had only just finished introducing herself to the 30+ odd audience members by walking up to each one, sticking out her hand and saying "Hi, I am Yo-Vee..", whether they wanted to talk to her or not. Oh well - it seems like that name plans to stick around for a while!
4. Our dear friends, Sandi & Amit - also ex-New Yorkers, finally came over for dinner this weekend. We had nailed down a date after a grueling back-and-forth with schedules that didn't seem to work for either of us. That is another unavoidable aspect of Singaporean social life as we've discovered. Life here, for us largely has been about showing friends or family around town or traveling outside of it, when we have no guests visiting us. A lot of our friends lead similar lives in flux here with perpetual visitors or travel itineraries of their own, hence co-ordinating schedules takes some amount of planning, at the very least.
The evening was fun, spent talking about our present and past lives, the idea of start-up's, Singapore's millionaires and their lives and the school-systems in our three common countries - The States, India & Singapore. Fun laid-back evenings such as these, spent at home with good friends over a home-cooked dinner and wine, used to be an integral part of our lives in NYC. On account of our busy travel itineraries, these are now a rarity and hence cherished tremendously. We hope we get to spend a few more such evenings here, before we bid adieu to this place!
As time flies, I realize that in a few more months from now, we are nearing the end of our stay here.
It's funny how one gets attached to life in a new place, over due course of time, as one starts getting comfortable in a place, learning to call a new city their home-for-now and gradually learning the ropes of how that place functions, lives and effectively works. Singapore has been my home-base for the last 8 months only, but I increasingly feel like I am not done with this place yet. Not because I am attached to this city-state in a massive sort of way, like I am to Mumbai or NYC, but because I like how this city has made life very convenient for us, right from day one. That it gives us the ability to come and go as we please, with minimum advance planning, having the best airport in the world at our disposal. That it has spoilt us in a way only Asia can, luring us into the good life one day at a time. That I no longer question why people who move here for a year end up staying for several. And that I know I will miss aspects of it and forever be thankful for having had the opportunity to call it my home - after having dismissed it at first, to see it from such close quarters to be able to actually grow to enjoy and appreciate it!
Thank You for reading!
Love,
Shweyta
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